Growing up I had a very hard time focusing on one thing. My mind would be filled with an array of random thoughts, sounds, colors and daydreams. I had a pretty vivid imagination – things came alive in my head. I’d get bored staying in one place or subject for too long. I was never able to hold still for more than a couple minutes – I’d end up twirling a pen through my fingers, twitching my foot, curling a strand of hair around my finger, chewing gum, crossing and uncrossing my legs, etc. When I was in high school and random college classes, every bit of blank space on my notes were filled with doodles. There was so much energy and things going on in my head that needed to get out. I forgot names and things people would say almost as soon as it was out of their mouths, being replaced by some other thought that popped into my head. I always thought it was some funny phase that I’d grow out of…but nothing has changed.
Just last night I had a guitar lesson and halfway through the song I lost my place because my mind started to wander. We tried the song again and it took every ounce of concentration for me to make it through the entire song without losing focus. It’s always been a joke among my friends that I have ADD but I’m at the point where I’m pretty confident in saying I really, truly have it. I’ve gone this long without treating it, should I even look into taking something for it now? I have to say, I’m curious to see what it would be like to have a focused conversation with a person…or to have a day at work where I’m not bouncing back and forth from five different things at once…or to play a song all the way through and not get distracted and lose concentration…or sit in a meeting and not cover my notes with doodles and images spinning in my head…or to actually remember the names of people or the paragraph I just read in a book…or to be able to sit down and stay quiet and not feel anxious. I wonder what it would be like to feel smart…to feel composed…to feel focused. Maybe I’ll make an appointment…
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Favorite Quotes
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” - Jack Kerouac
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
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