02.05.08

I've been feeling rather melancholy lately. I couldn't quite put my finger on the source of this gloominess until tonight.

I was driving home from work while talking to my Mom on the phone and somehow or another she brought up my birthday. I felt a sad lump start to form in my throat and my eyes began to well with tears. The thought of turning 30 completely and totally depresses me. It's ridiculous, I know, but 30 is this big, heavy number just looming over my head.

In less than 6 months I will be 30.

There's this huge contrast of where I thought I'd be in life by the time I hit 30 and where I actually am. I feel like somewhere along the line my life went off course.

But, if I stop to really think about it, my life actually found it's course. I can only imagine what kind of disaster I'd be if I kept on the path I was heading just a few years years ago. Not too long ago I was a very different person. The things I valued back then are not important to me now, and the things I cared the least for are now of great importance: God, my family, my self worth.

I had taken a long detour through a bumpy road and I am finally back on track - a bit behind the rest of the pack, but heading in the right direction! And so, I need to let 30 be a celebration of all the wonderful things I've done with my life these past few years and all the wonderful things still to come.