i've been feeling really blue. i'm not sure if it's because of texas or because of 30, although it's probably a bit of both.
wide-open spaces are still fresh in my mind and the reality of being back in the city is numbing. it literally hurts my heart. i ache so badly to be free of the city. i know i don't belong here but i don't know how to leave. i'm scared of doing it alone. i'm scared to leave behind my family, my friends, my job and all that is familiar...but i don't want to spend the next five years harboring this heartache because i'm too scared to do something about it. i'm torn and confused and wishing either my heart would grow steady or I'd find the courage to follow the ache.
turning 30 next week isn't helping. it's forcing me to reflect on my past years and realize how long i've been carrying around this desire - how long i've been heartsick for an escape from the city. every year i tell myself this is the year things will change, and that year melts right into the next and soon enough a whole group of years has come and gone and i'm still longing and hurting and craving for wide-open spaces.
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Favorite Quotes
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” - Jack Kerouac
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
2 comments:
Special BONUS thought of the day.....
Dreams: If God put it there, He will get you there!
Lori's thought spelt it out exactly. Don't worry for now. Turning 30 is a big thing and start looking at the positives. It was bad for me "turning 30" after that I felt empowered.
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