I left work early today because I think I've caught the flu. I'm not happy with the timing, considering I'm planning on spending Fourth of July weekend in Pismo Beach with my Mom, but I suppose there's nothing I can do about it now but drink lots of ginger ale and sleep it off.
While searching for a movie to watch, the bottom shelf of old journals caught my eye. Out of curiosity and boredom, I randomly pulled one out and started reading. I have the worst memory of anyone I've ever met. I started writing journals way back in 1995, knowing one day I'd need them to remember the adventures I'd been through. Just reading the first couple of pages have already taken me back to times I had completely forgotten (and others that are still fresh in my mind) but one entry stopped me:
December 14, 2000
"Sometimes I feel like a wild horse that's been caught. Anxious, spooking at everything and craving freedom -- lusting to run from where I am. I don't want to be here anymore...I want open fields and alfalfa and dirt roads...I want an open sky of stars so badly I could cry..."
Wow. I've had this feeling living inside me for at least eight years -- and I'm sure if I start combing through even older journals I'll find more words about craving the country. It makes me sad that I've been harboring this anxiety and desire for so long and am still not one step closer to finding my wide-open spaces.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Favorite Quotes
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” - Jack Kerouac
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
No comments:
Post a Comment