While cleaning up from Jr. High last night, the worship leader (and my new guitar teacher) was wrapping up the chords on stage and said, "Hey Jesika! By next month you'll be playing up on stage!" I stumbled over my words, warning him I'll either cry or faint or both. Of course, the cure to stage fright is to throw me up on stage...and I want to get over this fear…but I might really, truly cry up there. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t even be singing, just strumming away on backup, but the thought still makes my palms sweat and my knees shake. My first thought was that I could take a couple shots of alcohol for liquid courage (it’s crazy how old thoughts still surface) but I pushed the idea away and realized that God is using this to show me how to let go and depend on Him. (and how cool is it that He’s using music to teach me?!)
Fear is starting to really lose its grip on me. I’ve been in the thick of battle with it for awhile now. Just last night, before Jr. High started, the youth pastor asked me to pray for the team. He even gave me an out, which I almost took (praying out loud is extremely hard for me -- my mind freezes in fear and anxiety sets in), but I stepped it up and prayed. It was short, clumsy and plain, but I was so happy God gave me the opportunity to fight against my anxiety. He’s growing me so much lately! I bet one day soon fear won't have a hold on me at all! :)
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Favorite Quotes
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” - Jack Kerouac
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
2 comments:
Don't be nervous! Just think back to band when we were in Jr. High! You can do it!
HAHAHHA! Carrie, you're right! That's all I have to do. I'll be cracking up on stage instead of shaking like a leaf. HAHAH, I still can't believe we were in band...and that we had Mr. Greenlee as a math teacher!!!
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