As I was driving to work this morning I was trying to figure out where this uneasiness is coming from. Why do I feel so anxious and flighty? Then, it hit me. The fire of youth is still burning in me and the cold, ooze of reality is trying to seep it’s way in. It’s like there’s a battle going on inside me. My heart is crying out for adventure and beauty but the world is pulling me into the steady dullness of busy schedules, heartless work and “responsibilities”. But, I wonder, what’s the true, responsible way to live? Do I kill the passion in order to live a life that makes sense or do I follow the heart even if it leads to a place that’s messy?
On a side note, I went out to the barn after work yesterday to say hi to Linda and the gang. When I got there the barn was quiet and I snuck into Kalvin’s stall…I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried. I miss him so much. It still hurts that God asked me to let something go that makes me so happy. It’s just another thing I can’t make sense of right now. Why does God fill my heart with a desire so deep for things that He doesn’t want for my life? I cling to the hope that one day it will all makes sense…that one day all the desires will come to life…but until then, why can’t He just remove the desire so it doesn’t hurt so much?
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Favorite Quotes
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” - Jack Kerouac
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." - Mother Teresa
1 comment:
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Maybe you just need to go ride once a week??
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