03.31.08

I can't ever remember it not being a part of me. I ache in my heart to live in the country.

Suddenly tonight, I came to the realization that this isn't something I will ever grow out of. It's a part of who I am and it's meant to stay.

I recently read Desire and I'm currently reading Waking the Dead, both by John Eldredge. (Desire is a MUST read) They speak loudly about listening to the calling in our hearts -- God placed them there for a reason. And so tonight I prayed. I asked God to open my eyes and show me why He's given me this desire.

As I began to pray my heart started to thunder. I'm beginning to learn that when my heart beats faster while I'm praying, it's God telling me there's something I need to pay attention to. I'm not certain what this all means but I'm excited! I feel so blessed to have a God who loves me and who gave me such wonderful desires of my heart and I cannot wait to see why He's put them there.

03.30.08

yesterday i took a road trip out to joshua tree with anna and lori. it was the most fun i've had in a long time. the day was full of laughter, adventure, prayer and the freedom to let go and be ourselves completely and totally. i felt refreshed and alive and so very happy! God filled our day with an abundance of blessings.




today i took rocky to the movies. i discovered his interesting way of riding when he climbed onto my shoulders like a little parrot. thankfully he did b/c on the way home someone rear ended us. if rocky weren't tucked away between me and the head rest, i'm sure he would have flown across the car. everyone (me, rocky and the other guy) are okay but my car is dented pretty badly.

03.28.08

My Uncle Kevin turned 40 today. Last night my Mom and I went to the dollar store and bought 40 stuffed monkeys. As soon as Kev and his family turned out the lights for the night, my Mom and I snuck over and put monkeys all over his car!


I'm going to Joshua Tree tomorrow with Anna and Lori and I am SO excited! I have a feeling it's going to be a pretty amazing day.

03.27.08

i got to my Mom's a little early and caught a bit of America's Next Top Model...I want to do this to my hair next time I go in:

03.26.08

last night i met up with oh-so-fabulous christie and we joined the gym...then went to yogurtland. (oh how i love yogurtland) i'm excited about our new gym memberships! we are going to meet up at least once a week for yoga -- such fun!

today i felt inspired to dive into my new gym membership and use the elliptical machine. instead i stayed home and did a workout dvd. i'm a little apprehensive about going to the gym alone...i am clueless how to use all the machines! the last time i tried a treadmill i fell off it! haha -- i can only imagine the trouble i'd get into trying to figure out some of the more advanced machines. hopefully in the next few days i'll feel up for the adventure.

i'm going to run a few errands right now and then go to my mom's to watch american idol with her and rocky.

life is simple but good.

03.25.08 p/s

I got a fantastic phone call this afternoon from Shannon. She said, "hello Auntie Jesika" and it took me a few seconds to realize that meant SHE'S PREGNANT!!!! I was in my cube and wanted so badly to leap onto my desk and jump up and down, shouting and laughing loud and crazy like. Instead, I let out a few muffled yelps and kept my hands in fist until my fingers started to turn white. I'm SO excited for her!!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!!!!!
big, fantastic news!

03.25.08

i am determined to be victorious at work today!
My Ingram buddy, Susan, sent this little guy through e-mail and I love him so much. He just exuberates victory.


Tonight I am meeting Christie to join the gym (and celebrate over a tasty Yogurtland soft serve). I'm looking forward to becoming a gym rat.

03.24.08

i was ready to take on the week and start monday on a good note...but that idea fizzled this afternoon when i was told i'm not allowed to draw in the monday-morning status meetings anymore. every monday morning, the creative team goes over any jobs that need attention. 1% of the time a job that actually pertains to the web team is brought up, and if it's my job i don't hesitate to respond. never has my doodling effect my response time or my input. i was told that my doodling doesn't put off a good perception. a perception to whom?!! it's an internal meeting with all my peers!!! geez...you would think i don't work in the CREATIVE SERVICES department! (i'm still fuming)

i know it came from D. -- he's trying to move up and be our director and he's pushing his power around. now i have to decide to bite my lip and play this stupid game...or to fight back. i am so, so prideful and HATE biting my lip -- it's going to be hard not to fight. UGH!!!!

i see the sea:

03.22.08

i'm feeling rather melancholy today. i'm not quite sure where it's coming from. the good thing is that it brought my creativity to life -- i finally pulled down the huge canvas and started to paint today. i ran out of paint b/c the canvas is so large and had to stop, but it was satisfying while it lasted. hopefully i can find a store that's open tomorrow to buy more paint. i want to get my idea down before it goes away and all i have is an unfinished background...

03.18.08

i've done so much laughing in the last few days I just can't imagine what it will be like when Regina is back in Zimbabwe. my heart hurts just thinking about it.

03.13.08

I love Rufus.

03.12.08

music is one of the few things on earth that makes me the happiest i can be. i can never, ever get enough of it. lucky me, i have a friend who makes the most stupendous mixes and shares his music all the time. i feel like it's my birthday over and over again. i'm listening to a few songs from him right now and am happy, happy, happy. thanks KK!

03.11.08

03.10.08 p/s

kids don't know what they're missing.
vegetables are 'da bomb!

03.10.08

yesterday i got a glimpse of what heaven must be like. i was driving down the 15 on my way to visit sara in temecula. the sun was out and the air was warm, the sky was clear and blue and the hills shone with a brilliant green. it was absolutely stunning. then, just a few more miles down, the hills became painted with vibrant orange flowers -- thousands of california poppies. i have never seen anything like it...wildflowers scattered across emerald hills as far as i could see. it was something out of a dream -- an overwhelming display of God's masterpiece. i felt honored and touched to be there, breathing in the warm air, feeling the sun on my face and gazing at the wild colors where flowers met hills and hills met sky. i felt happy to be alive.

03.06.08

results from a personality test i took:

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards.
You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.

At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

03.05.08

i've been informed those evil cookies didn't even taste good. the news delights me.

today, after lunch, linda and i walked the chinese market. there were so many new and fascinating things to look at! i was most excited about the durian fruit, armored in spikes. i picked one up and marveled at how heavy it was. i was about to buy it, curious to see what was inside, but linda told me they smell and taste like dirty feet. i think i like them even more now, knowing they smell and taste about as uninviting as they look.

instead, i took the safe route and bought some seaweed for soup. yum.

03.04.08

the sugar fast almost got the best of me today. susan's cube is right next to mine and each time I passed by, her jar of chocolates screamed my name. i had visions of biting into a hershey's treasure -- milk chocolate and little toffee pieces melting on my tongue. sugary delight! the craving got so bad towards the afternoon i decided to go to the sink and get some hot water for ginger tea. at least that would keep my taste buds busy. cup in hand, i headed towards the drink station, proud of myself for denying the chocolate that had been taunting me all day. i turned the corner and stopped dead in my tracks. there, sitting proudly on the counter, was a huge platter of what must have been at least 50-75 chocolate chip cookies. the smell alone almost knocked me to my knees.

let me stop right here and tell you...i have an absolute weakness for chocolate chip cookies. they are my favorite of all tasty treats.

i could feel my will power crumbling by the second. i tiptoed past the cookies and kept my mind focused on hot water.
hot water.
hot water.
hot water.
i could smell them as i filled my cup. i could almost taste them.

determined, i took my water and marched past the cookies, but in the end it was just too much -- after a few steps i spun around, walked back, eyed an especially chunky cookie and snatched it up! i put it to my nose and inhaled as i walked back towards my cube, smiling.

in one last attempt to win the battle, i stopped at linda's cube to confessed what i was about to do. to my horror and to my delight, linda grabbed the cookie from under my nose and chucked it in the trash.

i love linda.

03.03.08 p/s

the beast who won't let me sleep:

03.03.08

i don't know what to do. griffin is keeping me up at night and is so bored he's destroying my apartment. i've been torn for quite some time about finding him a new home -- somewhere he can actually get some attention -- but when i start to seriously consider it i want to start crying. he's such a little jerk but he's so attached to me. he's like a dog...he'll follow me around the apartment, play fetch and run to the door when i get home. and i love how he's so fat and fluffy and purs constantly. i'm desperate for some real sleep though...

Eva with her pig cakes:

03.02.08

one multivitamin
two fish oil
one vitamin e
two skin/hair/nail nourisher
one calcium w/vitamin d

by the time i'm done taking my supplements, there's no room in my stomach for breakfast!

03.01.08 p/s

I went over to my Mom's tonight to make scones for Linda. While I was there, my Mom was working on baking a pig cake for Eva's fifth birthday party tomorrow. (for those who don't know, Eva's favorite animal is a pig and when she grows up she wants to be a pig farmer) The scones only took about thirty minutes, so afterwards I stayed to help my Mom out. It was so much fun filling the house with yummy smells, laughing with my Mom and being goofy and creative. I decided to play around and make a tiny pig with the extra pieces of cake. It ended up turning into Eva's very own, personal cake for tomorrow! It even has pink sparkles (thanks to Regina, who came home at the perfect time) and is sitting in a puddle of chocolate-pudding mud!

03.01.08

yesterday i practiced humility. it's one of my biggest challenges - i'm a very prideful person.

Regina sent me an email after i asked her to pray for me. i knew i needed to be humble but was really struggling. I want to share a few things she wrote:

God calls us to be [humble].... Jesus was the king and he was humble enough to WALK on dirt roads with 12 homeless guys. We are called to be humble....
That means we use these phrases:
"I am sorry"
"You are right"
"I should be doing better"
"I will try harder"
"I am grateful"
"I appreciate"
"I shouldn't have"

...we as christians do not have a right to respond negatively. Your body houses the Holy Spirit, which means that you have the POWER to respond as Jesus would. You are going to choose to use it or to supress it, to supress it means you will not feel good afterwards that you will feel shame and guilt (Satan will make sure of it) and that you will not succeed. To use the power and authority in which you have been given will mean freedom and victory.

We know that God commands us to love him with our entire selves and to love each other as well. It is not easy, Jesus knew that... the people he loved spit on him, whipped him, stabbed him and NAILED HIM TO A CROSS. Today we have a hard time loving people that just irritate us...