I just finished Persuasion (Jane Austen) and started on Through Painted Deserts (Donald Miller). I adore Miller's mind and am quickly becoming a fan of his. There's a section in the author's notes at the beginning of the book that spoke to me. It reminded me so much of myself...how I am always shifting and changing and moving from one thing to the next:
"...everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money. I will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we are near mountains, and again so we are near friends, keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
Here's another, from the first chapter:
"We are shaped by our experiences. Our perception of joy, fear, pain, and beauty are sharpened or dulled by the way we rub against time. My senses have become dull and this trip is an effort to sharpen them."
On another note, I have my second riding lesson tonight. Here's hoping I do more than trot around the arena for 20 minutes...
Thursday
Monday
07.28.08 p.s.
I think there's something really fantastic about monsters. I've been wanting to draw them alot lately.
07.28.08
I think I'm going to get myself a giant dry-erase board for my home. I have way too much fun with the one here at work.
Friday
07.25.08 p.s.
My wonderful friend Linda doesn't like caterpillars. She hates them so much that she cuts them in half with scissors. Poor caterpillars.
Thursday
07.24.08
5 Years Time by Noah and the Whale makes me so happy. I listened to it over and over again on the drive to work this morning. My heart couldn't help but bubble with joy.
Tuesday
07.22.08 p.s.
I was driving home from work today and noticed the sky. At first glance it didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary, but with a second look I saw it's quiet beauty.
Sometimes things just need a second chance.
Sometimes things just need a second chance.
07.22.08
I'm trying to convince my friend Carrie to decorate her baby's room in an alien theme. No luck so far. I have a feeling the oh-so-adorable Beatrix Potter cats are winning by a long run. Hmmmm...I wonder why...?
"Hello. I am an alien"
"Hello. I am an alien"
Monday
Sunday
07.20.08
I dragged Shannon and Anna along to San Juan Capistrano today to a tack shop for riding supplies. I had no idea it was in the equestrian center. Horses EVERYWHERE! Heaven on earth! We watched a girl and giant bay horse in the middle of their lesson -- I got so excited watching them jump over fences. I cannot wait for Thursday!!! It's all I've been thinking about!
Friday
07.18.08 p.s.
God shared a beautiful sunset with me tonight. I sat on my porch, surrounded by overgrown weeds and unused lawn furniture, and watched the sky glow with silver and pink, gold and blue. I sat in peace and talked with God and smiled.
07.18.08
I'm so excited! I officially booked my first riding lesson for this coming Thursday!
The barn: Hunters Pointe
I feel like a kid who has to wait a whole week until Christmas morning. Oh, the agony!
The barn: Hunters Pointe
I feel like a kid who has to wait a whole week until Christmas morning. Oh, the agony!
Thursday
07.16.08
I was at a stop light on my drive to work this morning and noticed a car on the other side of the street that had stalled. I watched as a man struggled to push the car into a shopping center parking lot, but the driveway was at an incline and halfway up the car would start to roll back into the street.
I watched as the man strained and struggled and I wondered if he was feeling embarrassed or frustrated. Then I looked at all the stopped cars around him -- not one person got out to help. The car would have been safely off the street in seconds with just an extra push from a good samaritan. No one came to his aid. No one.
As every moment passed I grew more angry. Why wasn't anyone helping?! It was obvious the man needed help!
As soon as the light turned green I passed the intersection and turned into the shopping center parking lot, determined to help the poor man push his car out of traffic...but just as I was about to park someone from the nearby store came to his aid. I felt relived -- I can just imagine how much more relief the man felt to finally get help.
It got me wondering....
How often are we so absorbed in our own little lives that we pass right by opportunities to help others?
How often do we see someone who needs our help but stay where we are and watch them struggle?
I watched as the man strained and struggled and I wondered if he was feeling embarrassed or frustrated. Then I looked at all the stopped cars around him -- not one person got out to help. The car would have been safely off the street in seconds with just an extra push from a good samaritan. No one came to his aid. No one.
As every moment passed I grew more angry. Why wasn't anyone helping?! It was obvious the man needed help!
As soon as the light turned green I passed the intersection and turned into the shopping center parking lot, determined to help the poor man push his car out of traffic...but just as I was about to park someone from the nearby store came to his aid. I felt relived -- I can just imagine how much more relief the man felt to finally get help.
It got me wondering....
How often are we so absorbed in our own little lives that we pass right by opportunities to help others?
How often do we see someone who needs our help but stay where we are and watch them struggle?
Tuesday
Monday
07.14.08
This weekend spent in Mexico was amazing...no, beyond amazing. So amazing I can't quite put it in words yet. It was hard work but every ounce of it was powered by love.
Here are the two angels who now have a new house to live in. A house that has a solid roof, windows and a door -- not wood piled together with a tarp over their heads.
Here are the two angels who now have a new house to live in. A house that has a solid roof, windows and a door -- not wood piled together with a tarp over their heads.
Friday
07.11.08
I just have to brag about how amazing my friends are. The Mexico build trip is this weekend and there are two extra-special people on the team:
Jacque: It's her birthday tomorrow and she's sacrificing her birthday weekend to serve in Mexico instead of celebrating. Plus, she's having trouble with her kitty and is still focused on serving this weekend!
Kevin: He's swamped at work and has been starting each day at 5 o'clock. He sounded exhausted when I talked to him on the phone a few minutes ago but he's still going to drive down for a day to help build even though he doesn't have the time or the energy.
I'm so impressed with my friends. There's something so special about seeing people give themselves up to serve others. I'm extremely proud of them both and feel so lucky to have people like them in my life. They don't know it, but I'm going to attack each of them with a huge hug when I see them!
Jacque: It's her birthday tomorrow and she's sacrificing her birthday weekend to serve in Mexico instead of celebrating. Plus, she's having trouble with her kitty and is still focused on serving this weekend!
Kevin: He's swamped at work and has been starting each day at 5 o'clock. He sounded exhausted when I talked to him on the phone a few minutes ago but he's still going to drive down for a day to help build even though he doesn't have the time or the energy.
I'm so impressed with my friends. There's something so special about seeing people give themselves up to serve others. I'm extremely proud of them both and feel so lucky to have people like them in my life. They don't know it, but I'm going to attack each of them with a huge hug when I see them!
Tuesday
07.08.08 p.p.s.
I was in the car driving home from my Mom's just a few minutes ago and stumbled on a radio broadcast from Calvary Chapel. The speaker said, "If you want to be most miserable in life, think mostly of yourself." I was smacked right in the face with reality of how self absorbed I've been! I'm so anxious, unsteady and unhappy and it's all because I've been obsessing over my life. Ugh! I'm so embarrassed and disappointed in myself ...and happy to have my eyes opened! From now on when I start to feel myself focus on my own little world, I'm going to stop in my tracks and pray for someone else. :)
"If you want to be most miserable in life, think mostly of yourself."
"If you want to be most miserable in life, think mostly of yourself."
07.08.08 p.s.
I think I need to stop searching. I read this today in The Sacred Romance by John Eldrege and I love it:
An adventure is, by its nature, a thing that comes to us. It is a thing that chooses us, not a thing that we choose.
It makes perfect sense. An adventure wouldn't be an adventure if it were planned and prepared for. So, maybe I just need to stop searching for it and soon enough I'll find myself in one!
An adventure is, by its nature, a thing that comes to us. It is a thing that chooses us, not a thing that we choose.
It makes perfect sense. An adventure wouldn't be an adventure if it were planned and prepared for. So, maybe I just need to stop searching for it and soon enough I'll find myself in one!
07.08.08
The bad-mood beasties are back. Either my umbrella is smaller than it used to be or the beasties are bigger than usual.
Monday
Sunday
07.06.08 p.s.
Along with a horse, an Australian cattle dog and possibly a miniature horse, I'm going to get a big-eyed cow. I fell in love:
07.06.08
I think I've found my home. Los Olivos. I can't even begin to describe how beautiful and perfect it is.
Now I just need to find a job in town with a population of 1,000. Wish me luck!
Now I just need to find a job in town with a population of 1,000. Wish me luck!
Tuesday
07.01.08 p.s.
Another entry from a journal, dated June 28, 2001:
"Before this life I believe I was a tree. That explains why I can spend so much of my time gazing away at all the natural beauty around me... Maybe that's why I hold very little patience -- because all of my past life I was rooted and unable to move no more than a twist of a branch or a sway when the wind would chose to play. Maybe this is why I always must keep myself moving -- because when I was a tree, although I marveled at all the wonderful things around me, I was enchanted by what was beyond my gaze."
I'm getting a kick out of my past thoughts. I wish I still wrote in my journals like that...
"Before this life I believe I was a tree. That explains why I can spend so much of my time gazing away at all the natural beauty around me... Maybe that's why I hold very little patience -- because all of my past life I was rooted and unable to move no more than a twist of a branch or a sway when the wind would chose to play. Maybe this is why I always must keep myself moving -- because when I was a tree, although I marveled at all the wonderful things around me, I was enchanted by what was beyond my gaze."
I'm getting a kick out of my past thoughts. I wish I still wrote in my journals like that...
07.01.08
I left work early today because I think I've caught the flu. I'm not happy with the timing, considering I'm planning on spending Fourth of July weekend in Pismo Beach with my Mom, but I suppose there's nothing I can do about it now but drink lots of ginger ale and sleep it off.
While searching for a movie to watch, the bottom shelf of old journals caught my eye. Out of curiosity and boredom, I randomly pulled one out and started reading. I have the worst memory of anyone I've ever met. I started writing journals way back in 1995, knowing one day I'd need them to remember the adventures I'd been through. Just reading the first couple of pages have already taken me back to times I had completely forgotten (and others that are still fresh in my mind) but one entry stopped me:
December 14, 2000
"Sometimes I feel like a wild horse that's been caught. Anxious, spooking at everything and craving freedom -- lusting to run from where I am. I don't want to be here anymore...I want open fields and alfalfa and dirt roads...I want an open sky of stars so badly I could cry..."
Wow. I've had this feeling living inside me for at least eight years -- and I'm sure if I start combing through even older journals I'll find more words about craving the country. It makes me sad that I've been harboring this anxiety and desire for so long and am still not one step closer to finding my wide-open spaces.
While searching for a movie to watch, the bottom shelf of old journals caught my eye. Out of curiosity and boredom, I randomly pulled one out and started reading. I have the worst memory of anyone I've ever met. I started writing journals way back in 1995, knowing one day I'd need them to remember the adventures I'd been through. Just reading the first couple of pages have already taken me back to times I had completely forgotten (and others that are still fresh in my mind) but one entry stopped me:
December 14, 2000
"Sometimes I feel like a wild horse that's been caught. Anxious, spooking at everything and craving freedom -- lusting to run from where I am. I don't want to be here anymore...I want open fields and alfalfa and dirt roads...I want an open sky of stars so badly I could cry..."
Wow. I've had this feeling living inside me for at least eight years -- and I'm sure if I start combing through even older journals I'll find more words about craving the country. It makes me sad that I've been harboring this anxiety and desire for so long and am still not one step closer to finding my wide-open spaces.
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